Hit Me with Your Best Shot
Yes, it has come to this. We Americans, never shy about asking for perks, payouts, bonuses, bribes, incentives, payola, etc., we have sunk to a new low, which is hard to believe from the same country that brought you Jersey Shore.
We have accelerated the end of civilizations with two words – vaccine lottos.
It is obviously not enough to take one for the team anymore. And by team, I mean humanity. Oh no, before I roll up my sleeve and endure that endless 1/8 second twinge, I gotta ask, “Not so fast, science; what’s in it for me?”
Apparently helping ensure you stay heathy while ratcheting up defenses against Covid-19, which, by the way, has most definitely not disappeared the way a former so-called president claimed it would, isn’t enough of a reason to vax up. Nor is doing your part to accelerate herd immunity, to buck up the defenses for your fellow citizens, improving the odds for the rest of us. Nor is being able to tell folks near and dear to you that you are fully vaxed and excited to gather again, putting them (and one would have thought, you) at ease.
No sirree Bob, the response to such rational, sensible, and quant reasons to take that shot in the arm just don’t amount to much these days.
Unless …
You sweeten the pot by throwing in a chance of winning a million bucks, or maybe baseball tickets, a fishing license or, get this, a trip on a cruise ship. You remember cruise ships, yes? Floating petri dishes? Covid playgrounds? Remember, not so long ago, there were a couple of wonderfully relaxing cruises at the beginning of the pandemic wherein 800 people contracted Covid-19 with 10 people dying of it. Good times.
“Oh yeah, baby, get me back on board asap; that buffet isn’t going to all-you-can-eat itself!”
Listen, I get it, some people are seriously afraid of needles, no matter what good lies within the syringe, but some jackanapes that simply see vaccination as: A) government interference with their bodies (oddly, many of these same people have no trouble supporting the government interfering with a woman’s body); B) a savvy political statement showing their (ahem) undying support for the “real” winner of the 2020 election; C) another satanic vaccine to eschew, even after the roughly three gazillion reports and studies supporting the efficacy of vaccines; and D) all the above.
To those people I say, you are forbidden to get that beautiful sharp poke in the arm when it is accompanied with a lotto ticket, beer coupon, cold, hard cash, or any other “incentive.” Sorry, Bubba, you don’t qualify. Go to the end of the line, which I believe is somewhere south of Bumfuck, Idaho.
I know it’s too much to ask of people to sincerely want to do something for the good of their friends, family, and community and, for God’s sake, themselves, without being remunerated, but that makes me sad, sad, terribly sad. Terribly Sad Garp, to those of you who get the reference. And even to those of you who don’t.
Speaking of idiots and shots (why yes, I do consider myself a master of the segue, thank you!), I was at the Sonoma County Sheriff’s Office recently … don’t ask why, nothing to see here, best just move on. Anyway, while waiting in line, there was a gentleman in front of me wearing a t-shirt with the pithy slogan: “Ban Idiots, Not Guns.” My immediate (yet wisely unspoken; the dude was huge) response was, “Why not both? Are they mutually exclusive?”
I thought, here in what I consider a liberal playground, we still have those who do not make the connection between homicides committed with guns and the guns themselves.
Piling on was the recent ruling by U.S. District Judge Roger (Dodger) Benitez of San Diego (of course), overturning California’s ban on assault weapons.
Here’s a little stomach-churning excerpt of what he wrote in his “decision”:
“Like the Swiss Army knife, the popular AR-15 rifle is a perfect combination of home defense weapon and homeland defense equipment. Good for both home and battle.” Sound more like a commercial endorsement than a ruling?
Anyway, he went on to trot out the moronic “banning guns unfairly affects law-abiding citizens” argument. Bazooka Benitez went on to opine, “One is to be forgiven if one is persuaded by news media and others that the nation is awash with murderous AR-15 assault rifles. The facts, however, do not support that hyperbole, and facts matter.”
Thanks for the condescension, Your “Honor”; that always sits well with me. And here’s a little fact for you, sir – AR 15 rifles were used in 26% of the last 80 mass shootings in the U.S. https://www.newsweek.com/ar-15-rifles-were-used-26-percent-last-80-mass-shootings-america-1578107.
You okay with that? Me neither. Let’s ban Benitezes! Or is it Benitezi? And the guns.
Indeed, the notion of someone defending their home with an AR-15 is both laughable and terrifying.
Since Judge Benitez loves facts so much, here are a few more:
In states where gun ownership is prevalent, accidental deaths are seven times more frequent than in other states. These include the kid who discovered daddy’s loaded pistol under the bed and shot his toddler brother – Out of every ten accidental shooting victims under 19, nine are killed in the home. Those parental skills kicking in yet?
While 68,000 Americans defend their homes using a firearm every year, gun owners are 900 times more likely to have their gun stolen than they are to incapacitate the assailant.
The above facts courtesy of: https://www.safety.com/gun-safety/
Indeed, this study from Harvard (some of you probably have heard of it … big university back east? Pretty good reputation … okay, save for that KKK thing in the 1920s, but that’s for another blog) that states gun ownership, rather than proving a deterrent to crime, actually has the opposite effect – turning crimes more deadly and bringing higher risk to the gun owner – https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/news/hsph-in-the-news/do-guns-make-us-safer-science-suggests-no/
Be careful what you ask for, Benitezes of the world.
If you are reading this (and I assume by now that you are), I am likely preaching to the choir. However, as is true with all good choir members, you can spread this gospel of truth, reason and facts to help the grass roots movement ... hey speaking of the Grass Roots, remember them? 70s poppity-pop group? Two Divided by Love? Midnight Confessions? Let’s Live for Today?
Shah-la, la-la-la-la live for today
Shah-la, la-la-la-la live for today
And don't worry 'bout tomorrow hey, hey, hey
Shah-la, la-la-la-la live for today
Live for today
Really, what’s more American than that?
Now, what was I saying? Oh yes, my hope is that, unlike the inevitable platitudes after a mass shooting (“our thoughts and prayers are with the victim’s family”) maybe we can all work a little harder to do something that actually matters, and by that I mean to get the fucking assault weapons off the streets. Firearms that have no other purpose than to kill human beings. And if some idiot says they only use them to kill animals while hunting, well I say that’s a pretty horrible excuse as well. Where’s the sport in using an assault rifle (one that shoots 600 rounds a minute by the way) on a deer whose only advantages are speed, awareness and not being a human?
So consider this is handy, compact, easily sharable point of reason when trying to convince others (you know, them) that a ban on assault rifles is not an attack on life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Rather it is just the opposite. Since all politics is local (are local?) that’s what it’s going to take, yes?
In other words, let’s all work to ban the guns. And ban the idiots.
C’mon, it’s worth a shot.